If I was asked to share how my lived experience occurred to me from specific past failures, betrayals and hurt, it is predictable my sensory system may do most of the communicating. My voice gets louder and faster, face goes red, I can freeze and even start to cry. I can say with confidence, I do not burst out in sensory response overload as I have trained my brain to be responsible for distinguishing between what is real and what my brain is perceiving as a threat.
Having our past show up like a holiday pop up store is normal, automatic and part of being human. It is part of self preservation and protection. My greatest teachers and classrooms have been my greatest struggles, and I am blessed that I have spent 35 years training for cognitive resilience so those memories do not hijack my life.
When I look at what triggers me the most, pulls the past forward the fastest, and what disrupts my clarity, confidence, and action more than anything else, it is disappointment. Even more than disappointment, it is THE FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT. The fear that someone will disappoint me, and the fear that I might disappoint someone else.
Reflecting on 2 specific projects, that I have been avoiding sharing, it is clear that my block is the fear of disappointment Fueling my “What If” machine, reinforcing the “Default Future” and interfering with the “Activation” of specific actions. Disappointment has been sitting there quietly like a background hum. Not the disappointment itself, but the fear of having to feel it again.
Fear of disappointment is one of the most powerful emotional drivers in human experience. When it goes unexamined, it silently engineers our thoughts, choices, and the future we believe is coming toward us.
Our disappointment patterns show up in three ways: past, present and anticipated. Disappointments from the past, disappointed with what is happening now in the present and the most impactful one, what we ASSUME will happen out of fear.
So on Day 4, I completed a Disappointment Inventory and I encourage you to do the same.
Step 1: Identified where you fear disappointment. Write down one situation where the fear of being disappointed stops you from moving forward or causes you to hold back.
Step 2: Identify what you are protecting. Ask yourself, “What part of me am I protecting by avoiding disappointment” This step creates awareness.
Step 3: Identify the default future that fear is creating. Write the predictable future that your fear of disappointment is manufacturing. This reveals the emotional pattern that has been influencing your decisions.
Step 4: Declare what you will pursue even if disappointment is possible. This is the breakthrough. It is not about removing the fear. It is about moving forward regardless and looking fear in the face and say “BOO!”
Thank you for everyone who has been joining me.
