This year we will be celebrating our 19th anniversary, we have two amazing children, the house, the cars, travel and the dreaded R.O.U.T.I.N.E! Laundry, dishes, work, driving the kids here and there YUCK! The thing about the YUCK, is that it’s what really ends up getting you to this place of comfort. Funny as it sounds, it’s in the everyday routine and structure where you really begin to learn about your partner, build your life and examine your own needs and wants. Yes it can become mundane, especially when the kids are younger, however everyday you build your relationship, you learn how to communicate and you morph into a unit that functions like a well oiled machine to meet the needs of the family. Then you look back and can’t believe that you are where you are and what you have created over the years of perseverance and routine.
It’s the same with every new endeavour you take on. This happens every time I create something new, whether it’s writing my book, or developing a new program or even writing weekly blogs. Overtime, the excitement of the newness fades and the tasks become routine and this is where the challenge lies. It’s the reason gyms are full in January but by March you could probably find a treadmill anytime of the day. Then there goes your dreams of a healthier lifestyle. What can we do to make sure that when the honeymoon is over we are still working at achieving and our goals and dreams through the routine of it all?
When it comes to relationships, the key to making it through the everyday is communication, communication and more communication. You need to talk to your partner, but most importantly you need to listen. Communication is a two way street. In my years of coaching both men and women, I have learned that we generally want the same thing, it’s just our process and our motivations are different. Develop your dreams together. Create the game plan together. Remind each other what the end goal is. Be willing to be flexible and learn to compromise. Always approach every situation from a place of love and not ego. Most importantly, work on your own baggage. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to fix what you brought to the table before you met. This is one area that is the most difficult, especially if you are not willing to see the monkey on your back. So if someone points out the monkey, don’t be offended. Instead take a look to see if indeed the monkey exists and then do the work to remove it. This will have an impact that is immeasurable.
If you are looking at your dreams and goals, you need a very similar approach. Here’s what I mean, as I said above, it’s very exciting when you have a new idea or project to work on. The possibilities can get your juices flowing, you look at the big picture and boy it looks great! Then you begin the planning stages, like in a relationship you have to communicate what you want, be concise and clear. It’s still exciting at this point (like planning the wedding). You are still in the development stage; progress may go quickly and smoothly at this point since it’s just planning. Now it’s time to get to work, and this is where that YUCK will creep back in. Along with the YUCK the monkey begins to squawk and you are drowning in the mundane and your own issues creep up and things come to a screeching halt! On top of all that, there are so many other exciting things you would rather be doing. But just like a relationship, you have to work through all of this to achieve your goals and your dreams.
Here are a few things that I do to remain committed to my plan and get through the routine:
Get an accountability partner: In your relationship that would be your significant other. In the area of your dreams, that can be anyone you know will support you and the deepest level required. I have my life coach and my spouse. They both hold me to the goals I have set for myself. Honestly without them, half of what I have done would still be on my “to do” list!
Write it down: I have said this so many times, and I will keep repeating myself, because it works. If you take the time to clearly write down what you want and how you are going to achieve it, you will manifest it. Everything that I have written with regards to what I want to achieve has happened. It hasn’t necessarily happened in the exact timeline, but when I look back, I can tick off so many completed boxes. Make sure you have this somewhere you can see it every day! Let it seep into your consciousness so it will always be in the back of your mind.
Surround yourself with like minded people: They say birds of a feather flock together and on the reverse fools seldom differ. I have been in the midst of both ends. It’s imperative to know the difference. Don’t align yourself with those who will allow you to feed the monkey on your back. You want to be with those you motivate you, who you aspire to be and can lead you every magnificent possibility in life. When you find people like that, life is amazing!
Cut yourself some slack: Don’t expect perfection, because it doesn’t exist. There is no perfect relationship because there are no perfect people. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you are not perfect either. Remember when you are trying to achieve your dreams and goals, things won’t always go according to plan, cut yourself some slack, readjust, and just don’t lose sight of the end result.
Always do the things you don’t want to do first: then you can move on to the more exciting stuff. I remember as a child, when my parents would make me eat things like, brussel sprouts or bitter melon, I would shove them into my mouth first, gulp down a glass of water and then move on to rest of the plate that had the more palatable foods. It’s the same thing with the home routine and the achieving your goals routine. If you hate vacuuming, get it done first thing and then you have the rest of the day to do more enjoyable tasks. If you would rather avoid responding to that irate client or nagging boss, to it first, then it’s out of the way and you can end your day on a more pleasurable note.
It’s called the honeymoon stage for a reason, because it doesn’t last, but it’s what initially motivates you to push forward. Life however is deluged with routine; nevertheless it’s what allows us to achieve the lives and relationships we desire.
It is my honour to serve you! God Bless!