Do you say yes to everything? Do you take on everything? Do you hate group work because you know you will just do it all yourself? If you are like me, I reliably take on doing a lot. And, I take the time to make sure that the work I do is detail oriented and impeccable. As a result, people rely on me to get things done. I recently found myself in a situation where I took on completing work that wasn’t done with impeccability even though it wasn’t my accountability. Why? Because it affected the accuracy of my work and I wasn’t about to present documents that weren’t accurate and get my butt handed to me! The thing about this event was that it was the last straw for me, as it certainly wasn’t the first time I spent the time I did to complete it. I was downright pissed off! I seriously hated everyone on the team, and I was done, I was ready to quit. I didn’t care and I couldn’t control my way of being and I certainly couldn’t keep my mouth shut. It was not a good situation, to say the least!

After some coaching from a few people-thank you Nina Ganguli for really hearing me and getting where I was coming from-I realized a few things. First thing I realized is that I have a way of being that believes that I am on my own. How that shows up is that I don’t reach out for help. I put my head down, grit my teeth and power through, especially if I’m the one accountable for the work or results. Now, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with that, except that I make everyone around me wrong and I do the work filled with resentment and anger. I don’t communicate what’s going on with me and I pretend that everything is fine when in fact, I am miserable, sacrificing my wellbeing and the ill will towards those around me builds and builds until I reach my breaking point and explode. The impact of that is that it comes at a complete surprise to those around me and it just causes a lot of upset. Secondly, I saw that I was so angry with team members for not doing complete work yet they haven’t been fully trained. The anger I was experiencing wasn’t going to make a difference. It wasn’t going to miraculously have them be trained in the moment!   Thirdly, I realized that I was resisting the accountability because I stopped choosing it. I was operating like I didn’t have a choice in the matter, that I was being forced to do it. As a result, I was doing everything begrudgingly and in that space there is no room for enjoyment, freedom or ease.   So the perception of no choice robbed me of all my power.

Now, having realized all of these things I recognize that what will have me regain my power is first choosing my accountability. Letting go of the idea that I am being forced to do it. Also, I now see that the opportunity in choosing the accountability is developing myself in being in communication, letting go of looking good, letting go of needing things to be perfect, and transforming the anger and resentment that comes into play when I choose to take on other people’s work inside of making sure everyone has accurate reports/information. And, transforming this way I operate, especially under stress, is so important for me as an entrepreneur and business owner. I will encounter situations like this regularly working with other people! It’s inevitable. So, being able to handle it productively such that it doesn’t affect my mood and satisfaction in life is truly important for me to fulfill on my purpose in life.

If you find yourself relating to my blog, ask yourself the following questions:

  • What are you not choosing right now?
  • What are you resisting?
  • What do you want to be right about?
  • What is the impact on your life?
  • What is the opportunity for your training and development in this situation?

Then, choose powerfully! Know that you absolutely have the choice to take it on or not. And if you do choose to take it on, keep your eye on the opportunity so that when the stress shows up, you can work through it productively with freedom and ease.

 

With love,

Alanna Carr