After some coaching from a few people-thank you Nina Ganguli for really hearing me and getting where I was coming from-I realized a few things. First thing I realized is that I have a way of being that believes that I am on my own. How that shows up is that I don’t reach out for help. I put my head down, grit my teeth and power through, especially if I’m the one accountable for the work or results. Now, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with that, except that I make everyone around me wrong and I do the work filled with resentment and anger. I don’t communicate what’s going on with me and I pretend that everything is fine when in fact, I am miserable, sacrificing my wellbeing and the ill will towards those around me builds and builds until I reach my breaking point and explode. The impact of that is that it comes at a complete surprise to those around me and it just causes a lot of upset. Secondly, I saw that I was so angry with team members for not doing complete work yet they haven’t been fully trained. The anger I was experiencing wasn’t going to make a difference. It wasn’t going to miraculously have them be trained in the moment! Thirdly, I realized that I was resisting the accountability because I stopped choosing it. I was operating like I didn’t have a choice in the matter, that I was being forced to do it. As a result, I was doing everything begrudgingly and in that space there is no room for enjoyment, freedom or ease. So the perception of no choice robbed me of all my power.
Now, having realized all of these things I recognize that what will have me regain my power is first choosing my accountability. Letting go of the idea that I am being forced to do it. Also, I now see that the opportunity in choosing the accountability is developing myself in being in communication, letting go of looking good, letting go of needing things to be perfect, and transforming the anger and resentment that comes into play when I choose to take on other people’s work inside of making sure everyone has accurate reports/information. And, transforming this way I operate, especially under stress, is so important for me as an entrepreneur and business owner. I will encounter situations like this regularly working with other people! It’s inevitable. So, being able to handle it productively such that it doesn’t affect my mood and satisfaction in life is truly important for me to fulfill on my purpose in life.
If you find yourself relating to my blog, ask yourself the following questions:
- What are you not choosing right now?
- What are you resisting?
- What do you want to be right about?
- What is the impact on your life?
- What is the opportunity for your training and development in this situation?
Then, choose powerfully! Know that you absolutely have the choice to take it on or not. And if you do choose to take it on, keep your eye on the opportunity so that when the stress shows up, you can work through it productively with freedom and ease.