I wasn’t sharing what I was doing or going through with anyone, not even my business partners. And then one day, I was asked to look at where in my life I was not doing what I know to do, and where did I think that I could get by and make things work without keeping my word? That was an eye opening exercise! What I discovered there on the page was the cause of this nasty valley I found myself in. And to my surprise it had nothing to do with business! For me, what was in the background was feeling horrible because I was having difficulty dealing with my mom and her Alzheimer’s disease. I was pretending that I was going to visit my mom regularly and handling things no problem and the reality was that I was not. I was avoiding my mom and the rest of my family because I felt guilty. The longer I avoided the harder it was to stop avoiding! I was telling myself that I was a terrible daughter and that triggered the trusty voice in my head that loves to tell me how horrible and un-worthy of love I am. This was the source of the vicious cycle I found myself in! You see, if I am un-worthy of love because I’m a horrible human being, I’m not worthy of success, I certainly am not the one to cause change in the world, and I’m certainly never going to find a loving romantic partnership!
Why am I sharing this with you? Because when I finally shared what I was dealing with I felt lighter! I saw that the people I shared authentically with didn’t judge me. I was the only one judging myself. And, I also got feedback that others had dealt with the same thing I was dealing with. I realized that I was not alone and I didn’t have to suffer through it on my own pretending that I had all my shit together! I was able to be a contribution to a friend that I had no idea was struggling with the illness of a parent, and in doing so I felt so freed up! I think I exhaled for the first time in months! And I’m now clear that I need to put structures in again to support myself through this journey with my mother.
So, if you find yourself in a rut, or your productivity and creativity are in a slump and you don’t understand why, look at where in your life you are pretending. Where are you operating like you can still make things work even though you are not keeping your word and doing all the things you know to do? You might be very surprised to see what is operating in the background! And once you do, don’t keep it to yourself-share it with the people in your life that you trust. Set yourself free!