I find myself constantly looking for approval. Approval of who I date, that I’m doing a good job at work, that I look good, my clothes look good, approval of who I am! It’s quite exhausting to tell you the truth, constantly feeling that I’m not making the right choice and feeling the need to look to others for confirmation. I’ve been involved in personal development for over three years now and I’ve been able to identify why I constantly look for approval. Everything I do or think of doing goes through a mental process of whether or not I think I’m good enough. Good enough to coach, good enough to be with a specific person in a relationship, good enough to own a business, good enough to be successful. This leads to the trap of comparison and it can get so frustrating that at times I just want to stop and give up.
My business partner and coach Audrey Hlembizky is always there to coach me through this process. I will run different situations I am experiencing by her and she’ll constantly tell me “Simone you are looking for approval to confirm if you’re good enough. Stop it. How much more evidence do you need to confirm you are good enough? You are always looking for something wrong with you. Simone you are amazing at what you do.” It’s like I can’t trust myself to confirm I’m doing a good enough job and getting their approval is confirmation that everything is fine and I can continue. This is not working for me anymore, it’s exhausting and if I keep this up it will impact my future negatively in all areas of my life and that is not what I am committed to.
I knew I needed to interrupt it so to serve me and those around me, I committed to a specific structure that empowers me to trust myself and build the muscle of “I am good enough.” When I am stuck with something, or questioning what I should do, I reach out to my coach and she will be able to identify if I am looking for approval. If it is clear that is what I am looking for, we stop there and I take the action I think is the right one to take. This will allow me to build my confidence because I am making a decision, instead of constantly looking for approval. As I have been taking this on, I have been developing my confidence and even catching myself when I am in the state of “Am I good enough?” and looking for approval. As a result, I am making powerful decisions on my own, without the need to look for approval first.
If you are like me, an approval junkie, consider that you already have the answers and all that is happening is that you’re doubting yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself “Why am I seeking approval?” If the answer is just to get reassurance that you’re making the right decision, consider making the decision on your own so you can grow and develop. I get we do not want to make the “wrong” choice but consider there is no “wrong” choice, it’s just a choice and now you get to experience making it without the approval of others. Yes, you could go and ask someone’s opinion on it but remember it’s only their opinion and imagine what it would be like to make the decision for yourself? Wow, imagine after that experience, the other decisions you will make! Consider making the choice and see what happens. Believe in yourself and slowly stop listening to the voice that tells you you aren’t good enough because you ARE!
Simone Vitellaro xoxoxo